A Formula for Charisma
Sep 09, 2023
Ah, charisma.
The official definition: “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”
Practically, it’s that intangible force of personal magnetism.
It makes you more likeable, more influential, more attractive.
Too bad you either have it or you don’t, right?
Right?
No.
You can learn charisma.
Charisma is the result and effect of a number of behaviors.
Behaviors can be taught.
In this article, I am going to share with you a formula for becoming more charismatic.
I can’t wait to dive into this one… so let’s get cracking.
You Need More Charisma
Have you ever thought, “Dang, I wish people would stop liking me so much?”
I didn’t think so.
You cannot be too charismatic.
We first need to make one thing clear: charisma is not fake.
It is the result of particular behaviors.
You do not conjure charisma by faking it.
When you act in particular ways honestly and authentically, you are charismatic.
When you fake charismatic actions, most people will recognize you as a charlatan (I should write about cult leaders in a different article)
Luckily, the behaviors required for charisma are performance enhancing.
While there are a lot of aspects of charisma, the model described by Olivia Fox Cabane is my favorite.
In the book The Charisma Myth, Cabane writes about the three keys to charisma:
- Presence
- Power
- Warmth
We can put these three into a formula:
Presence + Power + Warmth = Charisma
Increasing your skill in any of the three will increase the impact of your presence.
Building all three will greatly elevate your charisma.
If you are a leader, it will greatly enhance your performance.
Let’s break down Cabane’s three variables and I’ll add my own commentary / recommendations.
Presence
Have you ever listened to someone give a speech and you feel like they are talking directly to you?
Have you ever been speaking with someone in a crowded space and you feel like the only two people in the room?
Have you ever had a conversation where the other person made you feel like the only important person on the planet?
That is presence.
Presence comes in two forms:
- How you show up
- How you show up for others
How you show up is everything about your physical self.
What do you look like?
How do you walk?
What is your body language?
What is your energy like?
Your physical presence has an impact on other people.
Even if you are on a Zoom or Teams meeting, your physical presence can be infectious.
The simple way to improve your physical presence is to follow these steps:
- Walk with confidence (walk tall)
- Dress well
- Smile
Not only will these positively influence others, but these behaviors will positively influence your own mindset.
When it comes to showing up for others, how do you behave when in conversation?
Here are a few ways to ensure you are present with speaking with others:
- Listen
- Make eye contact
- Ask questions
- Be sincere
Be fully engaged in the moment and make people feel heard and understood.
Charismatic people have presence!
They also have power.
Power
Power is sometimes heard as a dirty word.
In this sense, power is the ability to make things happen.
It is authority.
It is intelligence.
It is confidence.
When we see someone as powerful, we know they have the ability to take action and make an impact.
To leverage your own power, consider your own confidence.
What do you know?
What can you do?
How can you make an impact?
Another way to demonstrate power is self-control.
If you can keep your emotions in check and remain calm under pressure, you exude power.
While presence and power are important aspects of charisma, it is warmth that has the largest impact.
Warmth
Charismatic people care about others.
It is sincere and not faked.
A person can demonstrate power and presence, but without warmth they come across as arrogant.
Charismatic people show up for others.
How do you show warmth?
Listen intently to understand.
Ask sincere questions.
Demonstrate compassion.
Think of the most charismatic person you know and consider the amount of warmth and care they show.
If you want to elevate your own charisma, focus on warmth first, then presence and power.
The Wrap Up
Charisma is a skill which you can learn.
But it requires that you actually care about others.
If you are fake your influence will be limited.
You can put on a show and gather admiration. but real charisma is earned by a real desire to help others.
So…
Show up.
Show up with confidence.
Show up to listen.
Show up for others.
And watch your charisma blossom.
Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
Clark