Excuses: A Mindset Holding You Back

Excuses hold us back.

What’s worse, they are contagious. Not to others but to ourselves.

I’ll explain more below, but let’s acknowledge something first:

Excuses are not necessarily positive or negative self-talk.

They are justifications.

They are lies.

They are defense mechanisms to help us avoid feeling pain.

They must end if we want to develop our potential and achieve more.

What may sound like a logical argument:

• I can’t run today; it’s too cold out.
• I can’t speak in public; I am an introvert.
• I can’t maintain that diet; it takes too much time.

… these statements are actually decisions.

We frame the decisions as out of our control, but in doing so, we strip ourselves the power to take action.

This blocks us from crushing our goals.

In this article I am going to teach you how to stop making excuses, reframe your condition, and OWN your decisions.

Why We Make Excuses

First, let’s agree on terms.

When I write about “excuses” I am commenting on behavioral decisions, and NOT physical capabilities.

Saying “I cannot go on a run because it is raining” is an excuse.

Saying “I cannot run 100 miles without stopping,” is a fact (well… Maybe Goggins can do it).

Excuses feel like logical justifications for why we cannot do certain things.

But they are not.

In reality, they are often verbal teddy bears to make us feel better for NOT making decisions.

That sounds harsh, right?

But it’s true.

We make excuses to make ourselves feel better.

When we make an excuse, we literally excuse ourselves from the responsibility of making a decision.

This helps us avoid pain. THIS IS A NATURAL RESPONSE.

We do not want to experience pain.

Our minds are very good at predicting, detecting, and avoiding pain.

The pain we avoid when making excuses is one of cognitive dissonance.

This occurs where we say one thing and do another.

It impacts our identity.

If we OWN the fact that excuses are actually decisions, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and check our self-image.

Are you the kind of person who gives up?

Are you the kind of person who is weak?

Are you the kind of person who…. fill in the blank.

We all would like to say, “No! I follow through! I commit to what I say I will do!”

When we commit to something and don’t follow through, an excuse lets us off the hook.

It allows us to hold onto our identity, even when we don’t live up to it.

I can think back to a TON of excuses I have made. Each one was to make me feel better.

But each one actually hurt me in the long run.

And they hurt you too. Let’s talk about why.

There are three primary reasons why excuses suck:

• They strip us of our power
• The block creativity
• They are contagious

Excuses Strip Us of Power

Tony Robbins defines “personal power” as the ability to take consistent action to achieve the results we desire.

We choose to take action.

We choose which actions to take.

We choose when and for how long we take those actions.

When we choose, we have power.

The responsibility and control lie with us.

When we make excuses, we strip ourselves of the power to take action.

Obviously, when we don’t take action, nothing happens.

There is no change, no progress, and no growth.

How often have you ran into a person stuck in the same routine with the same lame results?

How often is that person full of excuses?

This impact of excuses may seem obvious, but there is a less obvious effect: they cripple our creativity.

Excuses Block Creativity

Our minds are amazing machines.

When we ask a question, our brains come up with answers.

How can you fit an elephant into a refrigerator?

How can I help my coworker achieve more?

How can I modify my schedule to optimize my performance?

When we ask questions, we create possibilities.

Excuses are like roadblocks to these questions… they are dead ends.

“I can’t fit an elephant into a refrigerator.”

“I can’t help my coworker achieve more.”

“I can’t change my schedule.”

The End.

All thinking stops when an excuse is made.

This is the problem.

When we set goals and choose new actions, we will inevitably hit obstacles.

Questions help us find solutions.

Excuses halt progress.

There is another thing about excuses we often don’t realize: They are a mindset, and they are contagious.

Excuses are Contagious

If you make excuses in one arena of your life, I guarantee you make them in other parts of your life.

Again, we do this to avoid pain.

If we want to avoid the pain of cognitive dissonance, we’ll do so in every area where our thoughts and actions are misaligned.

If we make excuses about our health, we are likely to make excuses for our work performance, and the poor health of our relationships.

Then, something unintentional happens:

We create a mindset of irresponsibility.

We eventually say, “I have no control, and therefore it is not my fault. That is not my job to do. I can’t help that.”

This strips us of our power to do anything.

We reinforce our lack of control and trick ourselves into becoming helpless.

We play the victim.

Ugh.

The land of non-performance

Every excuse is comes from the language of victimhood.

As I have said before, victims need saviors. Victims cannot achieve for themselves.

They may feel harmless, but excuses can bleed into every area of our life.

And because they can feel harmless, they can be difficult to catch. So what do we do about this?

How to Stop Making Excuses and Start Owning Decisions

Here’s a quick story:

It was 9am, cold, and rainy (just a couple weeks ago).

I was supposed to go run 3 miles.

Instead, my inner critic popped up and said, “Nah, its too cold out, just do a garage workout later.”

To which my other inner voice replied, “yeah that is a great idea.”

But wait… something is off. This first voice sounded like the normal voice that keeps me moving toward my goals.

But no…. wait… this one told me NOT to take action.

AHA! I caught you! GOTCHA!

I paused, turned around, put on my running shoes, and went out for my run.

Boom.

This is step one in stopping excuses.

We must listen.

Before we can stop a habit, we must acknowledge the habit exists and then look for moments when we are in the habit.

Listen to your internal voices.

Is your self-talk positive or negative?

Is it telling you to take action, or to avoid action?

Is it consoling you with “it’s not your fault.”

Or is it giving you hard facts like, “Yeah, this is your fault, at least in part, and you should do something about it!”

After we listen and identify when the excuse mindset surfaces, we then must flip the conversation and OWN our choices.

Whenever we say, “I can’t,” we can flip it to say, “I won’t,” or, “I am choosing to…”

This flips our language from the victim voice to the creator voice.

When you say, “I won’t,” or, “I choose not to,” you are playing the role of the owner and creator of your life.

Every time you say this, you reiterate that you are the sole responsible party for your decisions.

And that is all it really takes:

• Listen
• Use ownership language

The Wrap Up

Our self-talk serves many roles. It is our internal cheerleader, critic, safety advisor, opportunist, fear monger, and champion.

Excuses come from a mindset of victimhood. One of “I am not in control.”

This mindset between victim and owner/creator is on a spectrum. Excuses push us down that spectrum into the land of irresponsibility.

While the excuse-voice may feel natural and logical, it sneakily (and falsely) reminds us that we are not in control.

But we cannot grow if we don’t exercise control.

So listen to your self-talk.

Identify your excuses.

Flip them to ownership statements.

And crush it!

Thanks for reading!

Clark