The Power of Emotional Framing

Books Referenced

Habits of a Happy Brain - Loretta Graziano Breuning

Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers - Robert Sapolsky

Getting to Neutral - Trevor Mowad

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What happens when you lose your cool?

Anything good?

Have you ever done anything you are proud of while you lost your temper?

I sure haven’t.

For most of us, we end up regretting things we did or said when while angry.

We should not punish ourselves for having emotional reactions. But let’s also not kid ourselves: our reactions are ours to navigate.

The fact is a strong emotional reaction can derail us from performing at our best.

Strong emotions are distracting at best and all-consuming at worst.

They steal precious energy and mental resources away from our day. This is time we never get back.

To perform at a high level, our emotions must not be allowed to consume us.

But is emotional control too much to ask for? I mean, emotions are naturally occurring reactions. We can only control them after they happen, right?

Well… yes.

No.

Kind of.

That is what this article is about.

I have written many articles on mindset, positive thinking, and emotional control. But I have not written about emotional framing.

In this article, I will teach you how to build an emotional frame and how to leverage it to build trust, enhance your confidence, maintain your focus, and more.

When you learn and apply this skill, your performance will increase.

If you never learn this skill, your emotions will continue to hijack your life.

Let’s go.

What are Emotions?

Emotions are reactions. More specifically, they are sensations we feel due to chemical states in our brain and body.

Happy emotions are largely due to certain chemicals in the brain, often referred to as "happy chemicals."

These include dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin.

When we engage in activities that are pleasurable or rewarding, the brain's reward center releases these chemicals, creating feelings of happiness and satisfaction.

• Dopamine is released in anticipation of a reward, reinforcing behaviors that lead to positive outcomes.
• Serotonin is released when you get something or accomplish something and feel a sense of pride.
• Endorphin is released in response to physical pain or stress, acting as natural painkillers that create a sense of euphoria to mask discomfort. This temporary "high" motivates you to overcome physical challenges.
• Oxytocin is also called “The Love Hormone” and is released when we are socially connecting with other people. It builds trust and affection.

If you want to learn more about these happy chemicals, Loretta Graziano Breuning wrote an amazing book called Habits of a Happy Brain. Go check it out.

While positive emotions come from neurotransmitters, negative emotions also come from chemicals in the brain.

Most of our negative emotions come from the stress response.

When we perceive a threat or experience stress, the brain releases cortisol and adrenaline.

Actually, the brain kicks off a hormone cascade which eventually releases cortisol, but that is for another conversation.

These hormones prepare the body for a "fight or flight" response, leading to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and heightened alertness.

While this response is essential for survival, the emotions we feel during this response includes anxiety and fear.

If you want to dig into the world of stress hormones, check out Robert Sapolsky’s book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers.

For our intents and purposes it is important to recognize that these emotions come from a reaction to something we experience.

The Anatomy of an Emotional Reaction

Emotional reactions involve three distinct components:

• a subjective experience
• a physiological response
• a behavioral or expressive response.

We experience something (subjectively) and perceive an opportunity or a threat.

Our brain then responds accordingly firing up our happy chemicals or a stress response.

Then our body responds by promoting a feeling which drives behavior.

So, all in all, it looks like this:

Experience (Event + Perception) —> Physiological Response —> Behavioral response.

When we perceive an opportunity, our happy chemicals are triggered, and we are motivated to act through positive emotions.

When we perceive a threat, our stress response is triggered, and we are motivated to act through negative emotions.

We do not need logical thoughts to take action. We only need emotions.

They are called feelings… not “thinkings.”

There is one key step in this process where we have the most control yet tend to put the least of our effort: the subjective experience.

Our perceptions dictate reality.

If we believe something is an opportunity, we are likely to feel excited. If we believe something is a threat, we are likely to feel stress.

Let me use Jiujitsu as an example.

If you are a white belt, then rolling with a purple belt (two belts higher in rank) may be stressful. You may perceive that individual as way more skilled, and therefore way more dangerous. Therefore, our perceptions may trigger a stress response and we may feel anxiety or fear.

But if you are a black belt, facing a purple belt is not going to be scary. They are two belts lower in rank… with this perception, you may see an opportunity to get in some quality practice reps and may respond with excitement.

Our perceptions matter.

It is in this first stage of perceptions where we create our emotional frame.

If we do not, then we allow our subconscious perceptions to dictate our emotional reactions. And we risk being thrown into a spiral of stress.

Emotional Framing

Perceptions are important! But there is a hiccup with perceptions… they come AFTER we experience something.

Remember the flow from above?

Experience (Event + Perception) —> Physiological Response —> Behavioral response.

The perception comes after the event.

When we perceive something, that means that the “thing” has already happened, and we need to evaluate whether it is an opportunity or a threat.

Controlling our perceptions means giving ourselves the space to evaluate an event after it has happened. If we do not intentionally pause to evaluate our perceptions, we risk slipping into an unconscious reaction.

And it is the unconscious reaction we are trying to avoid.

Emotional framing is all about pre-controlling our perceptions.

It is about creating a frame through which we can view the picture of our experience.

Metaphorical, right? But seriously…. We navigate frames all the time.

We often call them “points of view.”

Another name for an emotional frame is an “expectation.”

Our expectations set us up for emotional confirmation or emotional disappointment.

When we expect something to go well, or to go badly, we prime our brain for a positive or negative perception.

If we use our Jiujitsu example from before, imagine you are a black belt and you are about to face a blue belt (this is 3 ranks lower). You might expect to crush your opponent. This creates an expectation of a positive outcome. If you get crushed in return, you are very likely to be extremely disappointed, angry, and bewildered.

This actually happened, by the way. A few years back, a blue belt ran through a world BJJ tournament and won the entire thing. Turns out he was an elite level wrestler as well.

Positive and negative expectations create opportunities for emotional overreactions. Both of these can negatively impact our performance.

Instead, we should create a neutral frame.

In his book Getting to Neutral, Trevor Mowad writes about the advantages of avoiding negative or positive expectations and leveraging neutral thinking for higher performance.

If you are in a situation and are thinking of something as “bad,” it can shift your focus into protection mode, and you can act out of fear. This does not prime you for high performance.

Instead, if you ascribe neutral thinking to your situation, you can think clearly and avoid the negative mental reactions.

You can stay focused.

There is a Chinese parable about a farmer which is a great example of neutral thinking.

It goes like this:

A Chinese farmer’s horse runs away, and his neighbors comment on his bad luck. The farmer simply responds, "Maybe." The next day, the horse returns with seven wild horses. The neighbors now congratulate him on his good fortune, and again he responds, "Maybe."

Later, the farmer’s son tries to tame one of the wild horses and breaks his leg. The neighbors express sympathy for the misfortune, but the farmer replies, "Maybe." Shortly after, the army comes to recruit young men for war but exempts the farmer’s son due to his injury. The neighbors say how lucky he is, and the farmer still responds, "Maybe."

Neutral thinking.

Emotional Framing in Action

I mentioned earlier in the article that a strong emotional frame (of neutrality) can build trust, enhance your confidence, and maintain your focus. Let’s take each in turn.

Trust

Many people avoid difficult conversations for one reason: they are fearful of having a negative experience. They fear the reactions of the other person.

But what if you trusted the other person to keep their composure, listen carefully, seek to understand, and maintain a neutral conversational tone?

I am willing to bet you would be much more likely to share more.

You can be that other person. You can be the neutral oak tree where all other emotions storm around you. In becoming the oak tree, you build trust. Others can trust they can come to you with difficult news and you will not overreact with negativity.

So how do you set an emotional frame before going into a conversation?

First, set an intention.

How do you want the other person to feel when they leave the conversation? How do you want to be perceived?

Second, make time.

Short time is the enemy of productive conversations. When we feel rushed, we are more likely to slip into unconscious reactions to move things along. Make time for the conversation to unfold and to come to an agreeable conclusion.

Third, put your previous tasks behind you. As Susan Scott says in her book Fierce Conversations, “Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.” Be present in the conversation. Distractions will again push you into unconscious reactions.

Confidence

Confidence comes from clarity and experience. We can create an emotional frame around an upcoming experience in order to feel more confident and be perceived as more confident.

Let’s look at an example.

Imagine you are in a meeting, and a person you are presenting to acts flustered and emotional in response to your content. Imagine another person calmly listening and asking pointed questions.

Which person would you perceive as having more confidence?

Before walking into a situation where you want more confidence, use these steps to create an emotional frame.

First, set an intention. How will you show up? What mindset do you need to bring? I recommend bringing a calm demeanor with a growth mindset. This is about as neutral and productive as you can get.

Second, make time. Make sure you create enough space for the situation to unfold. If you are hurried through your meeting or event, you are more likely to act unconsciously to move things along.

Third, put your previous tasks behind you. This allows you to focus on what is in front of you. Distractions will push you into unconscious reactions.

Do you see the pattern?

Let’s talk about focus, specifically.

Focus

Distractions keep us operating from the unconscious. We can use emotional frames to create a neutral mindset and eliminate distractions.

Guess how…

First, set an intention. What work do you want to get done. Be specific and clear to what you are working to achieve.

Second, make time. Block time on your calendar to focus only on that thing you want to accomplish.

Third, put your previous tasks behind you. When you step into a new task, leave everything else behind. This may mean you need to close your email, put your phone away, get out your pen and paper, or something else along the same lines. As mentioned before, be here, prepared to be nowhere else.

The Wrap Up

Your emotional frame is the set of expectations you bring to every scenario.

Your perceptions will be a reflection of your expectations.

But how do you set up your expectations?

It always starts with intention.

Get clear on what you intend to do, and who you intend to be in the upcoming experience. Think in neutral terms and avoid priming your brain with negative or positive expectations.

Things are not good or bad… they just ARE.

Then, be sure the event has enough time to be fruitful. Rushing through things is rarely advisable.

Finally, be here, prepared to be nowhere else. Put your past tasks on the back burner and show up with presence and focus.

Start building your emotional frame…

And crush it.

Clark