The Power of No

Books referenced in this article:

4000 weeks by Oliver Burkeman

Stop saying yes to everything.

It is holding you back. It is keeping you distracted. It is stripping your focus.

Of course, you do need to say yes to grow.

Last week, I wrote about the power of yes and how it creates new opportunities for growth.

But “yes” is only effective if you know what you want.

“Yes” stated with confidence and intention can unlock doors and positively move you into the future.

But saying yes without clarity, or because you are afraid to say no, will actually set you back.

Today I’m going to teach you about the power of saying no.

When you understand when and why to say no, you free yourself from overload and distraction.

With “no” you can focus and achieve.

Let’s dive in to learn when and why to say no.

Why No

Imagine you go to work and are fully focused on crushing your goals. You have projects, tasks, and direction… you are unstoppable. Once you wrap up this next project, it is going to be review time and you are going to get a glowing review and bonus.

But then your boss comes to you and says, “Hey, there is this new project we need to do. Can you fit it in?”

You, being a high achiever, say, “Yeah boss, sign me up.”

You figure out how to fit in the new work into your day. You can’t give quite as much time to the old project, but that is OK. The old project is almost wrapped up.

But then you get another request for more work. And another.

All of a sudden, you have said yes to many things, and you don’t have time to do any of them well.

So you try to work harder, fit it all in, and be a superhero.

Only to fail at doing any one of them with excellence.

What happened? Weren’t you just being helpful?

This has happened to me on a few occasions (you’d think I would have learned the first time).

When the world is a candy story, it is easy to say yes to everything. When there is much going on, it is easy to have FOMO (fear of missing out) and want to be a part of everything.

However, this comes at a cost.

When we say yes to one thing, we are inherently saying no to something else.

This happens whether we realize it or not.

When we do one thing with our time, it comes at the cost of every other thing we could have done with that time.

When we say no, we allow ourselves to focus on what we already have in front of us.

Some benefits of saying no include:

• Focus
• Focus
• Focus
• Focus

I’ll say it again, saying no helps you focus.

But there is time to say yes as well… Let’s learn when the right time is to say no.

When to Say No

If you say no to everything, you will never take on new jobs, experience new things, or grow out of your comfort zone.

Last week I spoke about two filters you can use to assess whether you should say yes.

• The Purpose Filter - Where you see if the new opportunity aligns with your purpose.
• The Mentor Filter - Where you see if the new opportunity mirrors a path your mentor has walked, and therefore would be good for you, too.

These filters can be used to say no as well. If a new opportunity is misaligned with your purpose or with your personal growth trajectory, say no.

But there are two other filters you can use to assess whether a “no” is appropriate.

The Time Filter

This one should be obvious, but I recommend asking yourself a specific question.

Don’t just ask yourself, “do I have time for this?”

Instead, ask yourself, “what will I have to say no to in order to say yes to this?”

If you have to give up social media scrolling to make time for an opportunity, then it may be worth it.

But if you have to give up time in another important area of your life, like being a good spouse or parent, maybe that answer is no.

There is a presupposition in The Time Filter: you have clarity on your roles, goals, and time requirements.

• Roles - What roles do you have to play? Are you an employee, leader, parent, spouse, friend? What roles do you play which require your time and focus?
• Goals - What are your outcome and process goals for each of these roles?
• Time - What time requirements exist for each role?

With clarity on these three things, you can confidently recognize what trades you will have to make. Without clarity on these three things, it will be more difficult to leverage The Time Filter.

The Mortal Filter

in 2023 Oliver Burkeman published a book about productivity called 4000 weeks: Time management for mortals.

The theme of the book is that our time on this planet is limited to about 4000 weeks. We should stop trying to do everything and focus on doing the right things.

The “right” things might include things that bring you fulfillment, are aligned with your purpose, allow for discovery, and enable you to be present.

I love using the lessons from his book and using them as a filter (which I like to call The Mortal Filter).

When presented with an opportunity, take a leap into your envisioned future and ask yourself, “when I am on my deathbed, is this something I would have been proud of accomplishing?”

Your response to this question will likely be on a spectrum of “hell no, it doesn’t matter” to “hell yes, this is awesome.”

The closer something is to the “hell no” side of the spectrum, the stronger your ammunition for declining the opportunity.

Sometimes your response will be resounding. Sometimes it won’t be. That’s ok. As a default, if something is not a “hell yes” consider saying no.

The Risks of Saying No

When you say no, you are going to miss out.

And you must be ok with this.

Remember to the clarity topics above: when you know your roles, goals, time requirements, you can better identify the tradeoffs that come with new opportunities.

Are you OK missing out on a new workstream so you can focus on crushing your existing tasks?

Are you OK not picking up that extra work (which might accelerate your career) so you can have dinner each night with your family? (I know CVPs who have made this tradeoff, and they don’t regret the slower career trajectory).

Remember, anything you do with your time comes at the expense of every other thing you could do at that time.

Another risk of saying now is being perceived as selfish, or even as a curmudgeon.

This is more of a self-perception and communication problem, which I may address in another article. For now, just consider your options: do you selfishly tend to your needs and goals so you can achieve your dreams? Or, do you become a “yes” person and overload yourself meeting everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own?

This may be a false dichotomy, but the point is relevant.

The Wrap Up

When you say no, you are choosing YOU.

At least, when you have clarity on your roles, goals, and time, you are choosing the best path forward for you.

When you say no, you will be missing out on something. That is OK. There are a billion people in China at this moment doing things that you are not a part of. So what?

Create clarity on your roles, goals and time.

Leverage the Time Filter and the Mortal Filter to decide if an opportunity is right for you.

Remember, “yes” opens doors. But too many yesses keeps you overloaded and distracted.

Once you have said yes to enough things and are on your envisioned path, “No” is what keeps you focused and on track.

You have permission to say no.

And crush your goals!

Thanks for reading.

Clark